I used to think I was so busy...

I posted to my sisters on ravelry earlier:

"all i really want to do is close myself up in a room with my knitting. no interruptions, no fussing babies, no broken vacuums or other extraneous things to deal with and take care of. no babies to feed, change diapers, get to sleep, figure out what they’re trying to tell me. just me, a room, a cup of tea and my knitting. but that exists only in my dreams. even if eric were to watch the babies for a couple hours, it wouldn’t be the same. i think what i’m really craving is that time when you can get into a zone of timelessness. no clocks, no demands or responsibilities. i haven’t had that since i lived in my apartment by myself. and even then i didn’t think i had it."

I'm feeling nostalgic for my single days in my one bedroom apartment. I would come home from work, sit in my papasan chair, listen to music, drink a glass of wine, read a book and hang out with my cat. I wasn't knitting or crocheting much in those days. My apartment would be clean. I'd have the whole evening to myself. Nostalgia doesn't usually paint an accurate picture of reality, though. Even then I thought I had so much responsibility, so many worries, etc. It's only now that I can look back and realize how few demands I really had on my time and energy - especially when you compare it to having two teenagers and two babies, a cat, a dog, a husband, 3100 sq ft and a yard. I think having kids is like being in a time warp. Time becomes almost meaningless. There's both too many hours in the day and too few. Time goes by so fast and at the same time at a snail's pace. It's a strange phenomenon.

But then my little girl comes up and give me a big smile and a hug. Your heart melts and you think "I wouldn't trade this for all the time in the world..." Now that should go on a cheesy Hallmark card.

I have another poopy diaper to change...