And just so Gemma doesn't feel left out.... Here she is wearing pig-tails (doggy-ears are what I called them when I was little) for the first time.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
one determined baby
Oona has discovered the stairs. Her favorite activity at the moment is climbing them, which makes her mama very nervous. If you put the gate up so she can't get to the stairs, there are tears. I must have "rescued" her a half dozen times already today. She is determined!
Friday, March 6, 2009
enneagram and politics
Christmas 2007 Eric gave me a book about the enneagram (for a description of the enneagram go to http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/). Christmas 2007 was also when I went on bedrest with Oona because I was having five minute contractions. They weren't strong but at 22 weeks pregnant, I wasn't taking any chances. I read everything I could about the enneagram, eventually getting four more books to read. And I couldn't for the life of me decide what number I was. I narrowed it down to 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, or 9 which isn't saying much since I only eliminated three of the nine numbers. I especially didn't want to be a 9. Eric, on reading the descriptions thought 9's were the most annoying kind of people and I agreed. I couldn't see any good in being a 9. Have you guessed it? Yep, I'm a 9. I've read it's pretty typical not to like a lot about your own number, though I've come to accept that 9's have some redeeming traits. I really wanted to be a 4. They seem so deep and in touch with their emotions and their creativity. So I'm a 9 and a 4-wanna-be. And how is it being married to someone who finds your personality type annoying? Let's just say the enneagram shed some light on some of our recurring conflicts.
I finally knew I was a 9 when I read in Helen Palmer's book "The Enneagram: Understanding Yourself and the Others in Your Life" that 9's will read everything they can about a subject and try to integrate and smooth out any conflicting points of view within that subject. Wasn't that exactly what I was doing with reading so many books about the enneagram?
I met with Fr. Egan, a Jesuit priest at Gonzaga who studied with Naranjo when the enneagram was first introduced in the United States. He also helped me see that I was a 9 and not a 4. And he talked about how he feels the nine different personality types relate to God in different ways - fascinating to contemplate. I also feel that political views - being truly in the sphere of ego - are also different for each type. I'm not going to address all types but have been thinking about my own political views (or non-views) and how that fits with being a 9.
A 9 will do one of the following politically.
I finally knew I was a 9 when I read in Helen Palmer's book "The Enneagram: Understanding Yourself and the Others in Your Life" that 9's will read everything they can about a subject and try to integrate and smooth out any conflicting points of view within that subject. Wasn't that exactly what I was doing with reading so many books about the enneagram?
I met with Fr. Egan, a Jesuit priest at Gonzaga who studied with Naranjo when the enneagram was first introduced in the United States. He also helped me see that I was a 9 and not a 4. And he talked about how he feels the nine different personality types relate to God in different ways - fascinating to contemplate. I also feel that political views - being truly in the sphere of ego - are also different for each type. I'm not going to address all types but have been thinking about my own political views (or non-views) and how that fits with being a 9.
A 9 will do one of the following politically.
- Nothing.
- Believe what their parents (or somebody else important to them in their environment) believed and that's that - no real thought, contemplation and also no arguing with them. Their mind is already made up. They will be loyal to their chosen party and they will know all the little arguments to say. These arguments give them comfort because they show that they've made the right decision on what party to be loyal to. They can be activists but usually only if others around them are activists. 9's won't usually take the initiative themselves. (this used to be me, though I never was an activist.)
- Hate the conflict in politics (this is me now) because there is no way to make the different points of view work together. Part of the point in politics seems to take a very strong position (stronger than you actually feel) because you don't want to be pushed from it from the evil other side. So 9's decide neither to agree or disagree with either side and you keep your head in the sand and hope for the best outcome.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Just plain tired.
I'm missing Mindful Mamas at the moment. Two friends and their families have the flu. Five kids from Patrick's class went home sick yesterday. It is just in the air and I'm doing everything I can to not get it, including staying home from Mindful Mamas. I'm taking Airborne, Vitamin C and I even did my neti pot this morning. Pat was sick this past weekend with either the flu or a bad cold. Fingers crossed.... I really don't want it and I really don't want Oona or Gemma to have it. So with how tired I feel, I think it's a good idea to stay home and rest.
Why am I just so very tired? Well, sleep deprivation, sugar crashing, and pre-bed-time discussions about all the bad things happening in the world with the economy and everything and could this mean that the Mayan predictions about 2012 might be right on the money and if they are what does that mean for my life and for the girls who will be so young in 2012.
Sugar crashing - I know I wrote about this the other day but it is even worse today. The post-sugar depression and insecurity is full force today. It's in these moments when I feel like I really could give up sugar forever - that it is just not worth feeling like this. But just like childbirth, memory is selective and you forget how bad the bad parts were and just remember the good.
Remembering the good - what a great reminder for what is really important in life. I'm just hoping that there will always be something good to remember. There just has to be something good out there or else the saying every cloud has a silver lining would be dead wrong. It is hard to find that silver lining sometimes, but I'm hoping it will always be there. Especially if the Mayans were right.
Why am I just so very tired? Well, sleep deprivation, sugar crashing, and pre-bed-time discussions about all the bad things happening in the world with the economy and everything and could this mean that the Mayan predictions about 2012 might be right on the money and if they are what does that mean for my life and for the girls who will be so young in 2012.
Sugar crashing - I know I wrote about this the other day but it is even worse today. The post-sugar depression and insecurity is full force today. It's in these moments when I feel like I really could give up sugar forever - that it is just not worth feeling like this. But just like childbirth, memory is selective and you forget how bad the bad parts were and just remember the good.
Remembering the good - what a great reminder for what is really important in life. I'm just hoping that there will always be something good to remember. There just has to be something good out there or else the saying every cloud has a silver lining would be dead wrong. It is hard to find that silver lining sometimes, but I'm hoping it will always be there. Especially if the Mayans were right.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Funny baby moment
I was multi-tasking just now - watching Monarch of the Glen (a BBC series I highly recommend) and crocheting a Sleepy Sarah for Oona's bday coming up in April. I look up (I wish I had pictures) and Oona was gleefully pulling out baby wipes by the handful and Gemma was dipping the kitchen towel in the dog water bowl and "washing" her leg with it. At least they're good at entertaining themselves, right?
sugar blues
I've got the blues, the after sugar blues.....
About ten years ago, I came across a book called Potatoes Not Prozac. At the time, I knew it applied to my mother and most likely applied to me but I didn't do anything about it. I definitely fall under the category "sugar sensitive." It's kind of like being an alcoholic but with sugar. But sugar is a lot harder to avoid than alcohol is. Also, in the book, the author talks about how the seratonin levels of people who are sugar sensitive are effected by eating sugar. My copy is loaned out but what I remember is that when you eat sugar you get flooded with seratonin and you're on the top of the world. Then your body compensates and changes the amount of seratonin produced and how much is re-uptaked (is that a word?). So it keeps taking more and more sugar to get that sugar high and otherwise you're fighting depression and other things.
My current solution to my sugar sensitivity is to go on sugar challenges when I don't eat sugar for a given period of time. I haven't been willing to totally give up sugar yet - it's way too yummy and is such a huge part of celebrating events like birthdays. So right now, my challenge is to go the entire year of 2009 with eating sugar only on certain days when I'd really miss it. So far it's been Valentine's Day and my birthday. Next sugar day is Easter (cadbury eggs, spice jelly beans - who can have Easter without those???). I've been relatively successful so far though I ended up adding a day on either side of Valentine's Day and one day before my birthday. My reward in the end? Yarn! Sugar was always my reward or special treat. Oh, you had a bad day? How about a cookie? So now buying yarn is my special treat. I'm trying to have fancy loose leaf tea be my other sugar replacement.
And now to the post-sugar blues..... After a sugar binge - because I seem to have no self-control when it comes to eating sugar and when I have self-permission to eat sugar, I eat an obscene amount - I go through about a week of being depressed. I'm convinced that nobody likes me. My joints ache. My ability to go up and down stairs and to get out of bed is impaired. Everything is in slow motion. And watch out! I might just bite your head off! Which of course just reinforces the feeling that really nobody likes me. Hey, I don't even like myself so who else would?
I'm in the middle of the blues now. But I'm looking forward to feeling better in about a week or two. I might even drop a few pounds! Another side benefit of not eating sweets.
I have another sweet I'm going to have at Easter. Sushi candy! I tried a piece yesterday (figured it was a once in a long while chance and I only had one piece...) Yum! You make it with fruit roll ups for the seaweed, rice crispie treat for the rice, and gummy worms for the filling. Yum! And pretty, too. So I think I'm going to make that for Easter. Then the post-Easter sugar crash and depression will be worth it. Right?
About ten years ago, I came across a book called Potatoes Not Prozac. At the time, I knew it applied to my mother and most likely applied to me but I didn't do anything about it. I definitely fall under the category "sugar sensitive." It's kind of like being an alcoholic but with sugar. But sugar is a lot harder to avoid than alcohol is. Also, in the book, the author talks about how the seratonin levels of people who are sugar sensitive are effected by eating sugar. My copy is loaned out but what I remember is that when you eat sugar you get flooded with seratonin and you're on the top of the world. Then your body compensates and changes the amount of seratonin produced and how much is re-uptaked (is that a word?). So it keeps taking more and more sugar to get that sugar high and otherwise you're fighting depression and other things.
My current solution to my sugar sensitivity is to go on sugar challenges when I don't eat sugar for a given period of time. I haven't been willing to totally give up sugar yet - it's way too yummy and is such a huge part of celebrating events like birthdays. So right now, my challenge is to go the entire year of 2009 with eating sugar only on certain days when I'd really miss it. So far it's been Valentine's Day and my birthday. Next sugar day is Easter (cadbury eggs, spice jelly beans - who can have Easter without those???). I've been relatively successful so far though I ended up adding a day on either side of Valentine's Day and one day before my birthday. My reward in the end? Yarn! Sugar was always my reward or special treat. Oh, you had a bad day? How about a cookie? So now buying yarn is my special treat. I'm trying to have fancy loose leaf tea be my other sugar replacement.
And now to the post-sugar blues..... After a sugar binge - because I seem to have no self-control when it comes to eating sugar and when I have self-permission to eat sugar, I eat an obscene amount - I go through about a week of being depressed. I'm convinced that nobody likes me. My joints ache. My ability to go up and down stairs and to get out of bed is impaired. Everything is in slow motion. And watch out! I might just bite your head off! Which of course just reinforces the feeling that really nobody likes me. Hey, I don't even like myself so who else would?
I'm in the middle of the blues now. But I'm looking forward to feeling better in about a week or two. I might even drop a few pounds! Another side benefit of not eating sweets.
I have another sweet I'm going to have at Easter. Sushi candy! I tried a piece yesterday (figured it was a once in a long while chance and I only had one piece...) Yum! You make it with fruit roll ups for the seaweed, rice crispie treat for the rice, and gummy worms for the filling. Yum! And pretty, too. So I think I'm going to make that for Easter. Then the post-Easter sugar crash and depression will be worth it. Right?
Monday, March 2, 2009
sleep deprivation
I feel like all I do these days is complain about being sleep deprived. Oona is ten months old and she still doesn't sleep through the night - getting up 4-6 times to nurse. Lately I've been having a hard time going to sleep at night which doesn't help. I crave that not-being-touched-by-babies time, though, so my system goes through a mini-celebration when Oona goes to sleep at night. Then she's been waking up ridiculously early. This morning it was 6:08 am. A couple weeks ago she was sleeping until 8. So here I am, eyelids propped open with green tea. Wish I could do serious caffeine, but unfortunately I would get even less sleep if I did that. I'm still holding out that somehow Oona will figure out how to sleep through the night on her own. We'll see how long I last for before we have to do some serious night-time weaning.
But here is the solution to all women's troubles. lol. An excerpt from "The Birth House" by Ami McKay. (page 195, 200) I have not researched whether this is historically accurate or not but can you imagine?
"Feeling Anxious? Tired? Weepy?
You are not alone. The modernization of society has brought about an increase in neurasthenia, greensickness and hysteria. Symptoms of Neurasthenia include: Weeping, melancholy, anxiety, irritability, depression, outrageousness, insomnia, mental and physical weakness, idle talking, sudden fevers, morbid fears, frequent titillation, forgetfulness, palpitations of the heart, headaches, writing cramps, mental confusion, constant worry and fear of impending insanity. Talk to your physician. He can help."
Gee, I need to get to the doctor right away! And this is what he'll do for me.... ?
"The White Cross Battery-Powered Vibrator - Genuine Swedish movement and wonderfully refreshing effects, the same treatment for which you would have to pay at least $2.00 each in a physician's office. Vibration is Life. It will chase away the years like magic. Every nerve, every fibre of your whole body will tingle with the force of your awakened powers. All the keen relish, the pleasures of youth, will throb within you. Rich, red blood will be sent coursing through your veins, and you will realize thoroughly the joy of living. Your self-respect, even, will be increased a hundredfold. You can relieve pain, stiffness and weakness, and you can make the body plump and build it up with thrilling, refreshing vibration and electricity. Just a few minutes use of the wonderful vibrator, and the red blood tingles through your veins and arteries and you feel vigorous, strong and well."
Now you have all the information you need to solve all your problems and worries - a vibrator! No more suffering the ills of sleep deprivation! Wow! Sign me up! :)
But here is the solution to all women's troubles. lol. An excerpt from "The Birth House" by Ami McKay. (page 195, 200) I have not researched whether this is historically accurate or not but can you imagine?
"Feeling Anxious? Tired? Weepy?
You are not alone. The modernization of society has brought about an increase in neurasthenia, greensickness and hysteria. Symptoms of Neurasthenia include: Weeping, melancholy, anxiety, irritability, depression, outrageousness, insomnia, mental and physical weakness, idle talking, sudden fevers, morbid fears, frequent titillation, forgetfulness, palpitations of the heart, headaches, writing cramps, mental confusion, constant worry and fear of impending insanity. Talk to your physician. He can help."
Gee, I need to get to the doctor right away! And this is what he'll do for me.... ?
"The White Cross Battery-Powered Vibrator - Genuine Swedish movement and wonderfully refreshing effects, the same treatment for which you would have to pay at least $2.00 each in a physician's office. Vibration is Life. It will chase away the years like magic. Every nerve, every fibre of your whole body will tingle with the force of your awakened powers. All the keen relish, the pleasures of youth, will throb within you. Rich, red blood will be sent coursing through your veins, and you will realize thoroughly the joy of living. Your self-respect, even, will be increased a hundredfold. You can relieve pain, stiffness and weakness, and you can make the body plump and build it up with thrilling, refreshing vibration and electricity. Just a few minutes use of the wonderful vibrator, and the red blood tingles through your veins and arteries and you feel vigorous, strong and well."
Now you have all the information you need to solve all your problems and worries - a vibrator! No more suffering the ills of sleep deprivation! Wow! Sign me up! :)
Sunday, March 1, 2009
birthdays
Today is my birthday, along with my twin sister and my nephew - I remember the day he was born at about 23 weeks gestation. He is eight now and his birthday is definitely worth celebrating. He made it against very definite and difficult odds. That is when you're thankful for modern medicine. It does save lives.
Growing up, I hated having my birthday on a Sunday because it meant going to church - a definite non-birthday activity. We went to mass last night so I don't have to go to church this morning. Anyways going to mass has a different feeling than going to church as a PK. Fridays and Saturdays were the best days to have a birthday and weekdays were okay. I remember starting standardized testing on my birthday in sixth grade.
My husband and I have argued about whether you should celebrate your birthday on the actual day or just on the closest weekend. My opinion is that you should have your birthday celebration on your birthday because it's about celebrating that magical moment of birth - a moment only really experienced by you and your mother (unless of course she was knocked out/asleep for your birth) and less about celebrating you and your life. When my first daughter was born, I felt like I could almost hear the angels sing. I think that is the moment we're celebrating. My husband agrees with that part and that your solar return (astrology - when your sun returns to the same point in your chart that it was in when you were born) is also important but that the celebration is just an administrative/organizing detail that is less important and can happen whenever. I can see his point. I wouldn't necessarily have a group party with friends, etc on my actual birthday if it wasn't convenient. But I think it's important to have the family party on the actual day.
I mentioned the part about being knocked out for your birth because I'm reading "The Birth House" by Ami McKay. In the book, a doctor comes to the area and opens a maternity house or birthing center and his method is to knock out the mother (so she doesn't have to feel any pain), do an episiotomy, and pull the baby out with forceps. I think that deprives the mother of that magical moment of birth - leaving her disoriented and detached. Though there are times when it is medically necessary to do a c-section with or without general anesthesia, it's a different kind of magic for that kind of birth because everybody lives. A hundred years ago, if a mother had that kind of medical emergency, either the mother or the baby would die. But if it's not medically necessary, you lose the magical moment.
I was imagining my own birth this morning. I'm number four out of five and my mother didn't know for sure whether she was having twins or not. I was born first. So I imagine a pause and waiting before my sister was born. The doctor broke her water and she was breech and had the cord around her neck so he had to reach up and unwrap it. But I had paved the way and she was born only four minutes after I was. After giving birth myself, that is a short amount of time for pushing a baby out! We were also relatively small so we were checked out and wrapped up before my mom held both of us. Then she was the crazy mother who was trying to nurse twins - something she did succeed at though she says she felt like all she did was eat and nurse. But that was thirty one years ago.
Growing up, I hated having my birthday on a Sunday because it meant going to church - a definite non-birthday activity. We went to mass last night so I don't have to go to church this morning. Anyways going to mass has a different feeling than going to church as a PK. Fridays and Saturdays were the best days to have a birthday and weekdays were okay. I remember starting standardized testing on my birthday in sixth grade.
My husband and I have argued about whether you should celebrate your birthday on the actual day or just on the closest weekend. My opinion is that you should have your birthday celebration on your birthday because it's about celebrating that magical moment of birth - a moment only really experienced by you and your mother (unless of course she was knocked out/asleep for your birth) and less about celebrating you and your life. When my first daughter was born, I felt like I could almost hear the angels sing. I think that is the moment we're celebrating. My husband agrees with that part and that your solar return (astrology - when your sun returns to the same point in your chart that it was in when you were born) is also important but that the celebration is just an administrative/organizing detail that is less important and can happen whenever. I can see his point. I wouldn't necessarily have a group party with friends, etc on my actual birthday if it wasn't convenient. But I think it's important to have the family party on the actual day.
I mentioned the part about being knocked out for your birth because I'm reading "The Birth House" by Ami McKay. In the book, a doctor comes to the area and opens a maternity house or birthing center and his method is to knock out the mother (so she doesn't have to feel any pain), do an episiotomy, and pull the baby out with forceps. I think that deprives the mother of that magical moment of birth - leaving her disoriented and detached. Though there are times when it is medically necessary to do a c-section with or without general anesthesia, it's a different kind of magic for that kind of birth because everybody lives. A hundred years ago, if a mother had that kind of medical emergency, either the mother or the baby would die. But if it's not medically necessary, you lose the magical moment.
I was imagining my own birth this morning. I'm number four out of five and my mother didn't know for sure whether she was having twins or not. I was born first. So I imagine a pause and waiting before my sister was born. The doctor broke her water and she was breech and had the cord around her neck so he had to reach up and unwrap it. But I had paved the way and she was born only four minutes after I was. After giving birth myself, that is a short amount of time for pushing a baby out! We were also relatively small so we were checked out and wrapped up before my mom held both of us. Then she was the crazy mother who was trying to nurse twins - something she did succeed at though she says she felt like all she did was eat and nurse. But that was thirty one years ago.
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