Tuesday, August 17, 2010

week 20

I've made it half way. 20 or so more weeks to go, knock on wood. I had my ultrasound on Monday. Good news is that it's a healthy boy! Possibly good or possibly bad news is that I have a circumvallate placenta which either causes no problems or some pretty serious complications. If you google it, you get lots of worst case scenario cases including mention of it causing infant or maternal mortality - just what a pregnant person should be thinking about. I was given the advice today to stay far far far away from the internet. Anyways, there are also a lot of women who safely deliver healthy babies with no complications in spite of this particular abnormality in the placenta. I admit to being thrown for a loop by the diagnosis. All the ghosts of pregnancies past reared their ugly heads again as well as feeling jinxed when it comes to pregnancy. Why can't I have a completely normal low risk pregnancy? Am I going to have third trimester bleeding? Will I have to be on bed rest? Will I have pre-term labor with hospitalized bed rest - very scary thought? C-section? Hemmorhaging? Placental abruption?

After a restless night, I'm able to kind of accept it as a what is and am less caught up with the what ifs. I could potentially have a full term pregnancy and a crisis free delivery. Or I could not, which I will deal with if that possibility becomes an actuality. Worrying about it will not help and will not change anything - besides adding more adrenaline to my system and causing the baby to be more stressed out, too. I tell Gemma that it is okay to have an ow-ie. She's okay, the world is not ending. The same advice goes to me. Even if things don't turn out exactly as I hope, I will be okay. Still, I'll rest much more easily once I've crossed that finish line and am holding a baby in my arms.

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