eight weeks

Something about turning eight weeks has left me completely exhausted. I'm twice as nauseous as last week and absolutely nothing sounds remotely appetizing though I've been able to choke my meals down in the attempt to keep my protein intake high and my blood sugar level. Take that back, chocolate cake with white frosting with lots of frosting roses and swirls all over it sounds absolutely delicious. In fact I had a dream last night about having one in my refrigerator. I was inhaling it and confessing to my husband that I had already eaten ten pieces. The dream sugar rush felt sooo good and the dream cake tasted soooo wonderful. Unfortunately, cake is not in the cards, and as with many pregnancy cravings, there are no adequate substitutes. But the thought of possibly not having gestational diabetes wins out over the thought of how delicious cake would taste. And as much as I complain about feeling nauseous, it could be way way way worse. I'm not needing to be hospitalized for dehydration because I can't even keep water down. That is good news, indeed.

I'd lay on the couch, but I don't have the energy to be climbed on and my girls do not need to be snapped at one more time today. I don't handle not feeling well very well and I have a hard time remaining cheerful. Maybe I would feel better if I did try to be cheerful? Hmmmmm... Might be a worthy experiment. I'll keep you posted.

seven weeks

Seven weeks is really early, but at my appointment Friday I heard little spirit baby's heart beat. He (?) was in the perfect position so the mid-wife thought she'd give it a try. Isn't it amazing that a seven week embryo (technically speaking) has a heart beat? It was pretty neat and just made me love the little guy that much more - something about the reality making of hearing that little heart beating, if only for a brief moment.

This little one is either number three or number five depending on how you're counting. Since I count myself as Mom to the boys, even if only step-mom, it's number five. But it is also my third pregnancy and the three younger ones will have a really different life than the two older ones. I hope they'll still know each other when they're older, in spite of the boys being out of the house when the little ones will be so young. I'll only have five at home for two and a half years.

A friend posted a link to this poem and it made me think of this fifth child.


Song for a Fifth Child

Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth!
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking!

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat- a- cake, darling and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard and there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby. Babies don’t keep.

1958 Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

update

Today I will have my first appointment with my mid-wife for my pregnancy. So far my friend who said this pregnancy would be a lot easier than Oona's and Gemma's has been right on. I get tired easily and have some nausea, especially if remotely dehydrated. But if I rest when I need to rest and if I drink a lot of water, it's really not bad. I have soooo much more energy than I did with Oona. That is good news. Every now and again I worry that the lack of symptoms means that I have a higher risk of miscarrying, but whenever I worry about that, I get worse symptoms. So I think I shouldn't worry.

Being pregnant again is surreal. Every time my belly bumps into something, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm pregnant. My husband gets tired of me talking about pregnancy symptoms. But sometimes it's so hard to believe that I'm actually pregnant, each symptom is a reminder and pregnancy seems to create a one track mind in me. Even though this pregnancy isn't *exactly* a surprise, it is still a surprise. It wasn't necessarily in my five year plan or even my ten year plan. But here we go and welcome to the spirit baby. I will find out the gender and I hope it's the one he's told me it will be.

spirit baby

There is no hiding it now. I was waiting to make an announcement, which is why I haven't posted in awhile, but there is no keeping it a secret anymore. Yes, I'm pregnant and am due the first week of January which puts me at between six and seven weeks. I could have hidden it with my first pregnancy, but baby number three? Not so much. You know how you can only think about baby and pregnancy and food when you're pregnant? That made it hard to do a blog post about anything else.



To put it into perspective, this is my sister and I at about five months pregnant, me with Gemma.



This is a side view of my sister and me, again at five months pregnant. My sister has a bit of a goofy look on her face but the belly is what is important. I carried soooo low with the girls. I'm carrying much higher this time. My sister had a boy and as you can see she was carrying much higher than me. So maybe this is a boy? I have warnings about heart burn but I'll take that over early contractions.



It's been a bit of a roller coaster emotionally. I'm still working up to excepting congratulations and even congratulating myself. I keep getting stuck with the thought, "who in their right mind has five kids???" Plus, I was done. I had no maternity clothes (thanks, friends!) and gave away most of my baby stuff. So it is pretty big for me to be pregnant again. Spirit baby was pretty persuasive...

Oona turned two today

And she is two, with on her belly temper tantrums, and saying more and more words, and fighting with her sister, and giggling and screaming and running with her sister. Big brother, Patrick, took the video and is asking Oona all the questions.

First, an update about doing low technology during Lent... It's now a couple weeks past Easter and it seems everybody is back in their old habits of movie and TV watching and it seems there are very few moments in the day that somebody is not on the computer. Sigh. It was nice while it lasted. I kind of liked the break. I don't like having the TV on all the time. And I don't like staring at the back of people's heads while they're sucked into the computer screen. Of course, I'm forcing the girls to do that with me right at the moment.

Part of why the blog has been quiet was that the boys didn't feel it was fair for me to be on the blog during Lent. They did seem to have to give up the most so I didn't post anymore. It was nice to see the boys outside and reading and hanging out with friends instead of hanging out with the computer. Lent has been over for a couple of weeks and I've been working up to post, not managing it, though, until this morning.

The subject of what you would do if you weren't doing what you were doing came up with my family recently. One sister said she would drive a metallic purple convertible volkswagon beetle instead of the minivan she uses to taxi her kids around. An aunt thought she'd get a tattoo, dye her hair magenta, and move out of her house in addition to the purple convertible. My fantasy included a Mini-Cooper, getting my hair and nails done and having a shopping trip where I buy frivolities like non-Mom clothes, shoes that aren't sensible, jewelry that you can't wear with toddlers, etc. I would also eat lunch out and get coffee and maybe even stay in a hotel (so that I'm not woken up before 5:30 a.m by wiggly and bouncy girls which has happened two mornings in a row, now). My fantasy then developed into a weekend in San Francisco with lots of yummy food and lots of fun shopping. I told my husband this fantasy and he just gave me that look which made me immediately realize how materialist and frivolous I was being. Ah well. I definitely could not live a life of constant shopping and pampering - that would be so empty feeling. But how freeing to have one weekend where you don't have to be the sensible Mom in sensible shoes with a pony tail because showering and doing your hair on a daily basis gets shunted to the end of the to do list, and where you don't have to be the Mom who cooks whatever was on sale and falls out of the refrigerator. How freeing it would be to be cooked for, to have somebody do my hair, to have somebody else clean my bathroom and make my bed for just one weekend, and to wear clothes without worrying about the next sticky hand print. Just for a weekend.

I think my husband would stay as far away as possible from anything to do with shopping. A biking and camping trip might top his list. That sounds fun in it's own way (as long as I'm the one driving the car or RV with all the extra camping gear like all of my pillows and extra blankets) but, it doesn't match the completely girly satisfaction of finding the perfect outfit and having a good hair day. And eating food cooked over a campfire or on a barbecue while nice and enjoyable, doesn't compare to the anticipation of the delicious food cooked by somebody else when eating out in San Francisco.

a few pics

I thought were too funny. They kind of capture a certain part of each of the girl's personalities.