day 3 - what will my prize be?

Well, I'm on day 3 of no sugar. The first three days are the hardest. I could eat Gemma's Easter candy in about twenty minutes. But somehow I've been stopping myself.

I've found I do better with my sugar challenges if I have a concrete reward at the end. Then it is all about delayed gratification instead of denied gratification. Lol... So I've been thinking about that. For awhile now I've been drooling over Noro style yarn - the beautiful long color repeats. And so I've been thinking about projects to use this yarn for. I'm down to either a Fair Isle (Fake Isle) project or the Infinity Wrap By Kristin Omdahl. Here's the wrap and a picture of Plymouth Boku yarn. What do you think?



Hmmmm.... I really like the pattern but do I really need another wrap/shawl? But then if it's about reward and not about what I need..... I could probably persuade myself somehow. I thought about just a striped sweater but finally decided I'm just not a big fan of wearing stripes. So then had the thought of a Fake Isle sweater or whatnot. That would be more practical than the shawl. I liked the Cunninghsburgh Star Jacket in ColorStyle pretty well and I already have the pattern so that would assuage my guilty conscience that says I need to knit something from every book that I own. (ravelry link: Cunningsburgh Star Jacket)

Decisions, decisions.....

I really wish it weren't so hard to not eat sweets but I have to keep reminding myself how much better I feel when I don't. It's strange how strongly I react to it. My first taste of it after a break is like nirvana. Then I go into the depths of despair and need more and more sugar to reach that nirvana-esque state. And then I go off sugar and it's like I need to check into a hotel or a detox program. Good thing I have another addiction to turn to.... yarn and knitting. :)

poor oona...

I've already made my rice krispy treats (see previous post of twenty minutes ago...). Gemma gave me hers after determining it was yucky. (Is she really my daughter? She must have inherited Eric's sugar genes.) Oona, on the other hand, was a huge fan. Poor Oona. I do think she has inherited my sugar genes.

And you'll be proud. I only made a single recipe instead of a double like I usually do.

this time failure is sweet...

I've been in an existential funk this week - depressed about the state of the world and questions of purpose, existence, religion, etc. The kind of stuff you really can't talk to anybody about or even blog about. I feel extremely fortunate that I have been able to talk to Eric about it and he comforts me by telling me how amazing I am. Now, only if I could believe him on that score. :P

In the meantime, I have completely and utterly failed on my no-sugar-for-2009-except-for-specified-holidays challenge. The amount of sugar I've consumed in the past week defies belief. Easter candy has been my downfall which is rather ironic considering the source of my funk. Peeps (mostly for their sugar hit without the heaviness of fat), frosted shortbread cookies, cadbury eggs, malted milk eggs, reese's peanut butter cups, white chocolate bunny, gummy worms, spice jelly beans, cadbury mini-eggs, white chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal raisin cookies, chocolate chunk cookies, chocolate covered pretzels, and I have ingredients for rice krispy treats. I might have missed a few items. I even raided my kids candy for their Easter baskets and had to replace it.

So, now it is time to accept the fact that I've failed. Pick myself up, brush myself off and decide what next. To start with, I think I really need to make and eat the rice krispy treats. Need, you ask? I don't think I could handle throwing away the marshmallows and I couldn't handle making them for the kids and watch them eat them and not have any myself. Then comes the next two challenges. Oona's birthday is the 25th of this month and there is the question of birthday cake. Then Mother's day is in early May and the boys have already told me that they want to decorate a cake for me. They have a program at our local grocery store where kids can come in and decorate a cake, get a photo, etc, for Mother's day. How can you disappoint your kids by not sharing in their celebrations or not eating something they made special for you?

My choices? 1) Continue to eat sweets until Mother's day and then go off sugar from then until Eric's birthday in October. 2) Stop eating sweets tomorrow (after the rice krispy treats) and then eat cake for Oona's birthday and then cake on Mother's day but no other sweets. 3) Stop eating sweets tomorrow (after the rice krispy treats) and no cake for Oona's birthday (she won't notice anyway) and disappoint the boys and no cake on Mother's day.

Number 1 is the easiest, except that I would have to face the consequences of eating sugar for a month (weight gain, holding water, depression, short patience, easy frustration, jumpy legs, fast heart beat, inertia (hard time going up and down stairs), achy joints, etc). Number 2 is the hardest because of the roller coaster of going on and off sugar. Number 3 would be great and nearly as easy as Number 1 except that I already brought it up with the boys and the look of disappointment on their faces was just too much.

And as often happens in grown-up land, the hardest decision is the best one. Sacrificing for your kids seems to be the name of the game. And looking at it that way also makes it easier. So I'll eat cake for Oona for her birthday and cake for the boys for Mother's day and otherwise no sugar for me (after today) from now until October 3. And now I can start thinking of what kind of prize I can give myself for making it that long.

Maybe my 2010 challenge will be no sweets all year except for birthday cake on birthdays. Think I can do it? It's a worthy goal and I'll have to think of ways that will make it worthwhile.

baby bathtime/spaghetti faces

yarn purchases

Remember my yarn guilt (posted March 22)? My husband and I were talking about whether we were going to get gifts for each other for our fifth anniversary coming up on May 1. He said there were a couple books he wanted so I ordered them for him. And he asked what I wanted. Guess what I said? Yep, you got it! Yarn! I fell in love with two crochet projects in the new Interweave Crochet Magazine. The Audrey Hat and the Blossom Kimono were the ones that caught my eyes. So I popped over to Knitpicks and did some research and picked out some yarn. I got Comfy Sport in Ivory and Marlin for the hat and CotLin in Harbour and Planetarium for the Kimono (deciding on two colors instead of three). I also got some Shadow laceweight in Vineyard Heather for the ZickZack Tunic from the Spring Interweave Knits Magazine. Here they are in opposite order.
















































But that is not all.... I went shopping at Joanns with a good friend yesterday and got very excited about crafts. I also got some pink sock yarn for Gemma. Fabric for two outfits each for the girls (my friend is sewing them for me as part of a trade). And I decided I had to have the book "Crochet That Fits" because it has the most adorable crocheted little girls dress in it that wouldn't take very long for me to make and then my friend who sews can do the lining. It would be perfect in Comfy Sport Yarn and under $15 for the yarn. The pattern calls for 600 yds for the dress. 600/136=4.4 skeins and you could also make it into an adorable top with probably 3 skeins at $2.79 a piece which would be $8.37 plus tax. I'm thinking I'd make a top because I think I would have the girls wear it more often as a top instead of a dress. We don't do many dressy occasions here.

And then, we got the new knitpicks catalogue in the mail and I'm wondering how I can order $50 worth again (to get free shipping , of course). So it would be yarn for the tops for the girls (Gemma, Oona, Abby, Norah (if I can figure out the sizing) and then maybe Ella and Alice if they want?), yarn for a top for my sister for Christmas (you have to plan these things way in advance, you know...) and then they have this new City Tweed yarn coming out at the end of April that I'm really excited about and think it would make an awesome sweater for Eric. It's DK weight so I might be able to make it up on my knitting machine if I can get that working.

And, and, and. I already have a ton of yarn for a ton of projects. But isn't this so exciting to think about? Now, I just need to be able to knit ten hours a day instead of writing about it on my blog... Ha!

knitting dream

I had my first detailed and remembered knitting dream last night. I was at a knitting store buying yarn and taking a knitting class. I bought some 50% silk, 50% viscose (yes, the word viscose was in my dream) sea green yarn that had a gold thread in it. In fact, they didn't have enough of the yarn and so I bought the sample sweater and was using the yarn from it to make my own sweater. Also, I was discussing sock yarn with another person (unidentifiable) and how I love to wear hand knit socks but that they're not my favorite thing to knit. They were having a sale on sock yarn and I really wanted some with really long color repeats. The knitting class was using the silk/viscose yarn and we were learning a weird stitch that I've never heard of and was having a hard time understanding. Something about making an A and then doing something else with it.

So that must be a sign that I knit too much.

teenage boys

This is kind of a dark picture but that makes it even more teenager-ish. I came downstairs last night after getting Oona to sleep and was just struck by how teenager-ish Jack and Pat were - lounging in front of screens. The room was filled with the aura, for lack of a better word, of teenage boys. When I'm with friends with babies, sometimes I forget that I'm the mother of two teenage boys as well. The boys have such an amazing bond with their Dad. Being a step-parent has its challenges that's for sure. I'm really honored to be mother to the boys. I'm also aware of a slight distance or otherness. I'm often sad that I wasn't there for them when they were younger and wonder if we would have bonded more then. It really has worked out that Eric is the primary parent for the boy and I am for the girls. It's an interesting dynamic. Eric goes to the store and the boys jump at the chance to go with their Dad. I invite them and they're not interested. At the same time I have the privelege of making sure they are fed, clothed and sheltered and that they are behaving themselves.